Siriusly Hip
by TPCArcadia
Summary: Sirius convinces James to stop by Lily's house, but first they need muggle clothes so they don't stand out. Sadly, Sirius got his hands on the wrong magazine which will of course ruin everything and scar everyone, including you, for life.


Author's Note: So... I have been promising to finish this thing for a million years so Happy Birthday/Happy Thanksgiving/Merry Christmas/Happy New Year fool (you know who you are p).

Disclaimer: Sadly Harry Potter books aren't written by me. If they were obviously I'd be selling this in a hard cover 5 page book instead of posting it on here. It is owned by J.K. Rowling (My name is close to hers... it's J.K. Elemenohpe). Happy reading

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"For the last time, there is no way in bloody hell I am going!" I couldn't believe Sirius had even suggested such a thing.

"James, you're her boyfriend now. There is nothing wrong with going to see her."

"Sirius, first of all we have only been dating for three months. Secondly, it took 20.2 times as long to even convince her to go on a date with me. Twenty. Point. Two. If I went to her house, how am I supposed to know how she'll react? She would probably dump me on the spot. Besides, it isn't as if we have muggle clothes. I could get her in a lot of trouble." I knew that my logic was perfect and for once I wasn't being stupid. For once, I would not go along with one of Sirius' plans to get her attention.

"Listen to yourself! As if I didn't think ahead of time. I knew this would be the year you'd get her, which is good since it gives you the final school year to date her. I might even let you borrow the special map I made of all the good closets. Anyway, I have gotten my hands on a muggle magazine which talks about all the 'hip' outfits. They cover more than just a person's hip so I don't completely understand, but all that matters is that we will blend in."

I attempted to raise my right eyebrow at him, but it probably looked like I was squinting because Sirius handed me a tissue before continuing. "Lily will be glad to see you. She misses you. Don't you miss her?" Damn him for knowing my weakness.

So here I am an hour later in SEX, looking at the most terrifying selection of clothes I have ever seen. According to Sirius and a few issues of Sniffin' Glue he had stolen before school ended from a Hufflepuff, SEX was the store to go to for the latest fashion. The idea of a Hufflepuff wearing so much leather almost makes me want to run home and stay locked inside for the rest of my life. Especially Sandra, the girl Sirius said he took it from. Her robes already look skin tight on her, and not because they are a small. If she ever came to school in her muggle clothes, Hogwarts would become an all girls school. Sirius must have been thinking along the same lines because from the back I heard a large rack of clothes fall and a large outcry of "My eyes!" I ran over before we got kicked out since attracting attention seemed imminent.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Are you sure this is what muggles wear? Lily wouldn't wear clothes like this... right?" Looking up and seeing a leather skirt and top hanging on the wall suddenly made it difficult to see Lily wearing anything else but that. She certainly could fit into it, and Sirius did say it was in fashion. Maybe for once Sirius came up with an idea that wouldn't result in pain or a herd of chickens chasing us. I only hope Sandra didn't attempt to try that outfit on, and if she did try it on, that I would never see her in it.

"Sirius, for once I think this might work. I need your help picking an outfit though." When I turned around though I was not looking at Sirius. The person I was looking at had his facial features, but it was absolutely impossible for him to be wearing such a ridiculous outfit. "Who are you and what have you done to Sirius? You're not Voldemort, right?" He reached for a spiked bracelet on the rack next to him and threw it at me. It was indeed Sirius.

"Based on your comment it is safe to say this is the outfit I must buy. You can't stand how groovy I look in this. Don't worry, I will help you find something that Lily will be so impressed by, she'll probably perform accidental magic." I felt like performing accidental magic by looking at his outfit, and it involved flames and a memory charm. "If by groovy you mean I will never be able to look at you the same way again, then yes you look very groovy."

Sirius had changed his entire appearance. With the help of the magazine, I determined he is wearing leopard pants, a black shirt that said "Eat the Rich!" with a picture of a skull, and a blazer. He also had on giant boots, but the biggest change was his hair. Or at least, what hair he had left. Somehow, he had not only removed most of his hair so you could see his scalp, but he had a line of hair in the middle left over and it was sticking up about half of a meter. It was also purple.

I tried to leave while Sirius was examining what was left of his hair. Even when he hardly has any left, he still manages to make people feel that his hair has a special quality to it that everyone else lacks. One second I was creeping toward my salvation, the next I was thrown into a changing room.

"Now James, is trying to escape from me something you considered to be a real possibility? I may love my hair very much, but that doesn't mean I pay attention to nothing else. Even if my hair does have a certain softness to it no other male alive could achieve, a way to look good no matter what is done to it, and the ability to pull off colors people dream of but know they'd look horrible with, I can still force myself to look away for a second. Now, here is your outfit and I will style your hair."

I picked up the outfit that is supposed to result in Lily performing accidental magic, and I believed it would. She is going to kill me. My mind was hollering at me "James, use me! I may fail you most times but I am right about this! Don't put on that outfit! Lily will kill you!" but I had never listened to it before, and although listening now might keep me alive I felt I had to do this anyway.

First I put on the pants. They were black leather pants, but looked much more complicated. They had what appeared to be mini belts on the left thigh and metal rings on them. Then I put on the boots. They practically went up to my knees, and I had to ask Sirius for help. "James, all you do is slide them on!" "Well, why do they have so many buckles and little metal loops on them?!" "The owner of SEX told me this outfit is the future style. Right now everyone wants plain, but you and I are better than that. We need something different. Something extreme. Something that redefines the term hip." He really should have been born a muggle. He could waste his whole life away in front of cameras and the mirror. I picked up the top, and this time Sirius didn't bother waiting for me to ask for help. It was black leather, but on top of it there were three smaller belts and one large. The large belt was at the bottom but still too high for where it is supposed to be. The three smaller belts were above it and covered the rest of my stomach and most of my chest. Then two more belts were over my shoulders. All of the belts had little balls or rings of metal on them. The arms didn't have any belts, but there were little pieces of metal everywhere.

Sirius stepped back to admire his work. "This is the grooviest outfit I've ever seen. I would rip it off you right now so I could wear it myself, but since the point of this is to impress Lily I will let you borrow it. Time to do your hair." I didn't say anything at first, but when he pulled out the bottle of Grow-a-Lot I was a bit concerned. "What are you doing to my hair?" "Making it worthy of this futuristic outfit." I closed my eyes and prayed that I'd never have to open them again. "All done!" I didn't open my eyes for a minute. Even if I don't use my mind very often I needed to prepare it for what I was about to see. I opened my eyes and froze. If going into shock is choking your best friend without realizing it and turning very pale, then I think I have. He not only made my hair longer, but even messier than it was before. I didn't even think that was possible! My hair looks like Snape's did when we made the potion he was working on during class explode, except not greasy.

I don't remember letting go of Sirius' neck. All I could focus on was the black mess that was supposed to be a hairstyle and how ridiculous I looked in this outfit. At some point Sirius said "Time for you to make this Lily's best summer ever and for me to show off my new hair." It was at this point that everything went black.

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First chapter done D! There will only be one more (99.9 sure). Is it random? Obviously. Funny? I hope so. For those of you who aren't sure what the hell I am describing for James just look at a picture of Edward... Scissorhands! (Sadly I am not referring to Cullen) If anything, have some funny visuals like I did of James dressed like that and Sirius thinking he is a big shot with his new hairstyle. Ciao for now


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